I am a big girl now, mother…

Image result for mother daughter strength picture

Hello readers! Finally,I am out with a poem I had been wanting to compose for a really long time, but was never really satisfied with the result until now.This piece of poetry revolves around the relationship of a mother-daughter duo and how they find their strength to face the cruel, male dominated world. I know, it’s pretty long (well actually, the longest I’ve ever written), excuse me, for that, but knowing I am writing this, it is justified, right?

I hope you enjoy reading the poem as much as I enjoyed writing it! Here it goes…

I am a big girl now, mother…

I remember the first time, the day, a man eyed me hungrily,

You said breathe, look away, walk faster and move on steadily,

I had been a child of five, ready, eager to explore and create,

You said by the time, I turned into a ‘big girl’, I should wait,

Wait for the viciousness and hunger to completely clear away,

And keep my beauty, my identity hidden under a veil till that day.

I grew up believing those stares were a route to that time,

I did what you taught me and kept hiding from the crime.

I was smiling and laughing at my tenth birthday party that night,

Forgotten were the horrors of the past in the present ,so bright,

Suddenly a hand groped me from behind, despite my protests,

Mom, he was one among the long list of civilized guests,

 Hurt, angry I came running to you, out of shock, out of fear,

You laughed it off as a mishap and began to wipe my sorrowful tear.

I thought another hurdle was added to that right path,

And once more, I had to hold back and bury my wrath.

Time flew by, and I started  turning into a young lady,

I was shrouded into long, dull clothes to blend with the shady,

Surroundings and protected from the hunters lurking around,

You asked me again to look away and make no sound,

The wolf-whistles started to be engraved in my ears,

But looking away and walking faster helped all through the years.

Surrounded by my trusted people, I spent the early years of my life,

Before I knew it you pushed me to become someone’s ideal wife,

From that day onwards I remember him never asking for my consent,

I don’t think he understands what the word ‘NO’ meant,

The ornaments of my face have given way to red, blotchy scars,

But didn’t this arrangement called marriage raise bars,

Of cruelty and strangling my ideas, thoughts and opinions,

I believed I would never face this, for I am not among the millions.

 After all those years, I am a big girl now mother,

Still waiting for the dawn you promised me mother,

As I lay on the floor stripped naked of my existence,

Even when I followed all your words with persistence.

Lying on the floor surrounded by blood and dirt,

I question myself, what did I ever do to be hurt?

Darkness has started to crowd and envelope my eyes,

Probably this is where I die, after living the promised lies,

In spite of the defeats, I don’t wish to be dead so soon,

Is this ending in disguise a long-awaited blessed boon?

With this moment I wish to fight, till my shackles are cut off,

And I explore the world in the way, the little girl dreamt of.

I see the open window and hope it carries my voice outside,

The voice of a bruised but not broken child, lady and now a bride,

I scream and scream till there is no voice left in my throat,

I raise my voice for me and for millions like me to be afloat,

From the misery and helpless reflections from the mirrors,

And break free once and for all from the ruthless killers.

I truly understand, today what the ‘big girl’ signified,

Months after losing you, my protector, by my side,

You wanted me to find my voice, my strength, my power,

To fight for myself in the face of hardships and not cower,

You made me strong enough to take a staunch stand,

I feel proud and loved at how you never let go off my hand.

I remember reading the diary you left behind for me,

And realizing how many battles you fought for me,

Alone you pushed the man, who dared to raise his eye,

And harboured intentions of making your daughter cry,

The hand that groped me, years ago, was cut off brutally,

You fought all hardships for me always smiling beautifully,

 Till your last day my husband was not spared from your fire,

To always protect me was your heart’s deepest desire.

You protected me till your last gasp of breath,

Till the time I found chivalry in the face of death.

Nothing can bruise, taint and shatter me to pieces now,

I have tolerated enough abuse and humiliation, I avow,

My soul breathes the bravery lingered by you, my dear,

From the courage you taught me by giving in, to fear.

I have turned into the big girl now mother,

Who will not tolerate injustice another,

I have turned into the big girl you were mother,

Ready to face the world, your big girl mother…

Bhagyashree 31.7.19

All rights reserved.

A big shout-out to all the ‘big girls’ out there and a bigger shout out to their mothers for making them who there are today. #gogirlpower

Don’t you think it’s cruel that the innocent little girls become their courageous big counterparts only after losing everything? How I wish, life had been a bit merciful by providing another alternative…

Let me know in the comments section what you thought about the poem. If you liked my piece don’t forget to like, comment, reblog and follow my blog.

Until the next time.

Cheers!

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