Thinking and Overthinking…

Trigger warning : Anxiety, depression and mental health

Hi everyone! I hope you guys are doing well. I know time is being tough on all of us, but I also know things would eventually get better. I know many people suffer from anxiety and depression and during such times, they are not being able to get the required therapy and counselling sessions.Even I wasn’t spared from such anxiety attacks and fluctuating emotions with everything pointing towards our doom. Thankfully, I am back now on the track now.Guys, please do reach out to people you are comfortable with, your friends, your family or if you feel alone, use this platform to speak your thoughts. We would listen to you. I hope my poem resonates with you and motivates you to reach out and help you relax your mind.

Everyday at sunrise, I blink open my awake, sleep-deprived eyes,

Hoping today’d be the day, when I finally turn wise,

And muster courage to block the overbearing thought threads,

To lead my life, pruning it from my imagined shreds,

It seems destiny has endowed me with blissful gifts,

A sparkling career, faithful friends and a family sans rifts,

How I still can’t be happy despite my blessings,

As my overthinking, taints my peace with its nefarious messings,

It accompanies me every second of my “normal” day,

Filling my head with anxious ideas, making the happy ones drift away.

A petty embarrassing inccident that happened with me years ago,

My mind has to think about it till I feel sad and low,

Someone left the conversation abruptly as we were speaking,

This piqued my anxiety’s interest, that won’t diminish till I start freaking,

I met a stranger, yesterday, while walking in the park,

I am panicking now, will she turn sinister and dye my life dark?

My best friend treated me with my favorite meal,this noon,

I wasn’t there really, it seems being blessed with a thoughtful mind, isn’t a boon,

As my beautiful mind instead of focusing on the present,

Was happily savoring my memories that were unpleasant.

Thinking and overthinking about things, I have no control on,

Has become my ally from dawn till dusk and dusk till dawn.

I cry, I pray, I hurt myself to keep the ugly thoughts at bay,

However, nothing seems to help, as the cycle repeats everyday,

All it takes, is a single, harmless thought to be formed and boom!

Before I know it, it has spiraled into an abyss pointing to my doom,

I know sharing my dark thoughts with my parents’d, help me breathe,

But what if they blame themselves, in vain,for enclosing me in this sheathe?

I am trapped in the misery of my own mind, struggling to be unchained,

Desperately wishing to go back in a time, when only happy thoughts reigned.

Creative thoughts on paper,once my closest comardes,

Now, don’t come to my aid, when my mind reflects its black shades,

Too sacred to reach out, I feel alone and sad,

Too restless and helpless, as I die everyday by thoughts that are bad,

It seems I am screaming noiselessly waiting to be heard,

Before the lines between my reality and insanity are blurred,

I attempt to pat my head, caress my cheek, imagining my mother’s loving touch,

Trying to recreate my familiar smile, in the mirror, lost as much,

As my sleep, tranquility, happy breaths and content life,

Obliterated by my enigmatic enemy, in this invisible, intrinsic strife.

It appears like I enjoy living the life, many dream of.

But nobody knows, how unhappy I am, as my smile peels off,

With a hopeful wish to be endowed with an undisturbed night’s slumber,

Not to be broken by the audacity of a thoughtful blunder,

I walk sluggishly to my bed, with a heavy, anxious head,

Probably to overthink about the mistakes of my life, I have so far led,

And to welcome a night full of tears, tormenting and traumatizing thoughts,

Wishing the next day, everything changes and I learn to join to happy dots,

Of life, that the normal people lead with cheerful mirth,

And of living each moment and loving yourself there is no dearth.

©2020.Bhagyashree.All rights reserved.

Until the next time,

Cheers!